I can/I can’t,
Why does a dog lick his bottom?
Because he can.
It is halal to live in a tent. You can live in a tent, on the side of a hill. No running water or electricity . You could even say living like this is in keeping with the Sunnah, a similar sort of lifestyle to the Prophet saw.
Most people, if they have been used to living in a house with modern amenities, would not want to live in a tent. If a man and woman were discussing marriage and he suggested this, the chances are the marriage discussion would end there, because the woman would know that she would be very unhappy in such a situation. If the couple were already married and the husband suggested this, the wife would probably protest strongly. She could not live like this, the children could not live like this. If she decided to leave her husband, to divorce him, people would understand, because after all, these are unreasonable expectations.
Marrying more then one wife is also permissable in Islam. Note the word permissable. It is allowed, an option and yet men, and it always men, will insist it is their right and no one and nothing should stand in the way of them taking their rights.
I am astounded at the arrogance of such men. You could have a wife pleasing to you in every way, loving, appreciative, a good mother and for the sake of your appetite, your ego and more often then not, the contents of your trousers, you could smash her happiness to pieces.
That is not to say there are no benefits to polygamy, particularly in a societies that have seen the male population blighted by war. However, maintaining a happy polygamous marriage is incredibly hard work. I think unless you are in a culture where polygamy is the norm, you will find it very difficult to adapt to it and be satisified. Also, and no one likes to admit this, the man needs to be rich. I’m sorry, but if he is wanting to have one then one wife, that means he will have more then one family and they can’t all live above the kebab shop.
I’m not fond of lying, especially lying to yourself. Most women know that they would not be happy in a polygamous marriage, so why do we have to mumble demurely about it being halal and wives being patient? Stuff that. You wouldn’t agree to living in a tent (probably), or living in the North Pole (also probably), why agree to something which would not only cause you both unhappiness in this life, but also have consequences in the next life too?
If you know that polygamy would cause you great sadness, make it clear both pre and post marriage. Don’t be shy or scared of being seen as a ‘bad muslimah’. Just smile and say “You can have up four wives, but I won’t be one of them”.
One of the first questions I asked Mr Outlines was about taking a second wife. He said no, because he only had one heart in his body. I wasn’t satisfied with such a soppy answer, so I asked if he had any other reasons. He went on to talk about the ayahs concerning polygamy and how he felt he could never be just, so he would only marry one wife. Now being married to him, I know he wouldn’t take another wife, because it would mean less time for his other true love, books and studying.
I try not get angry. I get annoyed fairly easily at times, but rarely angry. Which is good, because when I get angry, it is a wave of heat that passes through me and I feel like I could start throwing cars or pulling the clouds down from the sky. When I hear of men taking second wives, especially those who have done so without telling their first wives – Aouthobillahi. “Never do this to me”, I inform Mr Outlines, with the same solemnity that you might use to tell a child not to swim in shark infested waters. If he did (Oh Allah protect me from this), I don’t know what my reaction would be, but I sense it would not be permissable.
Islam is about more then what is allowed and permissable, it is about using this short time on earth to be the best person you can be. Doing something “because I can”, is not the way of enlightened humans, it is the way of animals. Rights always come with responsibilities.
For this life and the next.