Back From the S.A.R

An even stranger trip home then usual. I always have a head swimmy feeling as I leave due to mutual sobbing with Umm Mr Outlines. I do not like goodbyes.

This is made worse on the way to the airport with the big, blue sign above the motorway which reads ‘GOOD BYE’, in big capitals. At this point I’m ready to shout out, “Let me stay! My Mum can post out Prawn Cocktails crisps and I’ll be fine!” On to the plane and Oreo is immaculately behaved for 95% of the journey and deeply unhappy for the final ten percent. More grim emotions at the baggage carousel where we experience the creeping dread realisation that while we might have arrived, our baggage hasn’t. Luckily we were reunited later that evening.

 

Oreo is struggling to cope with Life After Syria, as life in Syria consisted of a large cast of people on hand to pamper her every whim. Plus Syrian food, which she developed rather a fondness for. While back in the U.K, Oreo would choke dramatically in the presence of solid food, in Syria, she happily sat on Auntie’s lap eating whatever was offered. No, she does not sit happily on my lap for feeding either. I have to strap her into her high chair and even then she formulates escape plans.

 

As for Damascus itself, not much has changed since last year. The credit crunch so obvious in Britain, is not as visible there. Probably because they aren’t as fond of credit as we are.

The latest big Turkish drama is Wadil Zi’ab, which is about a vaguely righteous man defeating gangsters. Rather oddly, while you virtually never see anyone kiss on Arab tv, you can see the aforementioned gangsters breaking each other’s fingers at four in the afternoon.

I was very disappointed to  find the abaya police on the doors of two mosques I visited. Dudes, you need to mind your own business. Especially the chap who took a good look at my chest  before deciding I needed more coverage. Yes, only my hands and face were showing and no, nothing was skin-tight, but because I wasn’t wearing a manto (full length coat v popular in Syria) or abaya, I’m not sufficiently covered to enter the House of Allah. Very sad, especially the Umayyd which CHARGES MONEY for the abayas.

 

While in Syria, I closely followed the Off-food diet. This is why you eat anything you are offered. Arab hospitality + British plate clearing = Need to start exercising regularly again.

I also discovered Gonfe, which is a waffle filled with chocolate sauce and is delicious. I ate one with my youngest sister in law and we sat in a park with Oreo and meshed our broken English and Arabic into a conversation. As an example of just how broken my Arabic is, “Huwa la khayr. Huwa waled wasikh bi nisa’at” is me talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, who is currently flogging shampoo everywhere.

 

After a trip to Syria, Mr Outline and I discuss the possibility of living there. As always, my feelings are hugely mixed. People talk about standards of living and that if you’re rich (which we aren’t) you can have a far higher standard of living then in the U.K. I’d still rather clean my own toilet and get to vote though then the other way around.

In the very tedious process of Being Officially Married and Having an Official Child In Syria, I officially Became Muslim. This involved a visit to a catastrophically dirty building, where the lights were low and the queues were long. Then,  repeating an extended Shahdah in front of a very grumpy Sharia Judge with incongruous wall hangings. He did not seem very happy about there being another Muslim in the world, but then he didn’t very happy generally. We’re still not Officially Married in Syria yet. More paperwork still to do.

Eid Mubarak everyone, may Allah shower you all with blessings.

 

No, I didn't take this

I didn’t take this

Calling Moon and Moon

Is anyone still there?

 

Anyway, after an unintended break , I shall be taking another one.Alhamdulilah for planes, as insha Allah, I’ll be in Syria later today.

So no internetry until I get back. *shakes*.

A summary of things I could have written about before, but didn’t:

 

Nick Griffin on Question Time: Tosser. And No Platform for Fascists.

People voting for the BNP despite not being racist. If you vote for a party that believes that one race, namely the white race is superior and seeks to discriminate on those ground, then you are racist and Jerry Dammers would be crossing you out of his phone book.

 

I’m sure there are other things I wanted to write about, but the fact that a bunch of semi-literate racist thugs are gaining political ground in the UK is weighing heavily on my mind.

 

But… I believe people are better than that. I do. Despite daily, technicolour evidence to the contrary, I believe we are better than that.

 

As for Syria, I’m very much looking forward to the first Oreo-Tete-Jiddoe summit, Insha Allah. I’m also looking forward to no more of this, as my in-laws have moved. Myself and my post-pregnancy body are very grateful.

As for Oreo, she is now crawling, masha Allah. Aaah she’s great. Although whether I’ll be thinking that when she realises her nice quiet nap time has been replaced by sitting in a big, bright tube…?

On to Syria’s most famous Syrian. All I can say is: 106!!! Bashar you were robbed! Everyone knows that your pulchritude is the reason for your countenance being on view all over Syria. Still, I am pleased about Yulia being number one, proves I was right about her all those years ago

I have to go and sort out my hand luggage.

 

Until then here’s some soothing stuff for old and young* alike:

 

 

We were all children once.

 

 

*This programme is like crack for babies. Awesome for snuggling up on the sofa together and watching before bathtime.

A Summary of Recent Stoniness

A belated Ramadan and Eid Mubarak to you all.

I have recently moved and had no internet, hence my delay in moderating and blogging.

Two recent posts here have discussed spiritual abuse within Islam, particularly the abuse meted out to women. The most recent post provoked a detailed discussion. Here is a summary of my thoughts as a conclusion.

1)Despite it being the blessed month of Ramadan, several people that I linked to have been receiving death threats and other harassment both on and offline. Yes, really.  So when people wonder why more people have not spoken out, please bear this in mind.

2)Pretty much every big name Sheikh/Imam/Whatever you can think of has been asked to speak out about this. None of them have.

They all know about it and have done so for years and yet, whatever other good works they have done, they chose to remain silent on this.

3)Is it the movement itself, or the movement mentality that is destructive? The Western Muslim community has lurched from fad, to fad, from speaker to speaker. Is it that we haven’t found our way yet, or is there something more self destructive?

The book buying, the lecture attending, the travelling. Are we developing piety or just trying to buy it,  participating in an ‘Islamicised’ version of Western consumerism?

4)I used to think the Ummah’s greatest problem was lack of religious knowledge. I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

How knowledgable do you have to be, to know you should not divorce on a whim, that refusing to support your children is wrong?

Does that really take years of learning? Do you really need someone to hold your hand while you grasp those basic concepts?

5)The destruction and instability of Muslim families will lead more children out of Islam then any amount of pop culture.

If children are raised seeing Islam as a positive thing, they will respect it and follow it, even if they have a few meanderings on the way.

If they see it as a source of misery and chaos, they will run far, far away. Especially our daughters.

So beware of those who call for the destruction of families in the name of piety.

6)Islam has been around for a long time now. There have been far tougher times for the Ummah then this.

7)Despite what anyone tells you, though there may be struggles, being a good Muslim is easy. I generally don’t hadith toss, but I’m sure everyone know the hadith that basically states performance of the five pillars = jannah.

Those who make it sound much, much harder then that, tell you how much you need them in order to succeed…. what are their motivations?

Allah the Most High is closer to us then anyone else could ever be.

He is the Most Loving and Most Merciful.

Stone Hearts Don’t Bleed

So Salafi Burnout’s website has been taken down.

While the comments were full of trollery, there were a lot of people able to finally talk about the abuse they had suffered at the hands of so called ’scholars’.

Naively, I had hoped that from revelations there and elsewhere, there would be a movement towards eliminating such cults.

But no, because power protects power and when most of the people hurt are women and children, who cares?

It’s the truly pious MEN and the knowledgeable MEN who are far more important.

Seriously, don’t pretend to be all pious and purifying your heart when you lack basic human empathy.

For those who would like to read more about such cults, I highly recommend:

http://standsfree.blogspot.com/

http://umm-ah.blogspot.com/

http://nuhkeller.blogspot.com/

Updated: Waqt Well Wasted blog has done a brilliant post on spiritual abuse.

Umm ah’s blog is a particularly heartbreaking overview.

Scribbles Not Outlines 7: Better out than in

Salaam Alaikum to anyone left reading this. It has indeed been far too long.

Oreo is now six months old. The title refers to her, as I’m enjoying being a mother about a million times more then I enjoyed being pregnant.

People say about mothers loving their babies, but I don’t love Oreo, I’m in love with her. It’s a real tangible joy, I get stomach flips and butterflies looking at her. Just looking with wonder at this little person, that by Allah’s will, I managed to bring into the world.

Our favourite game is ‘A Hundred Kisses’, where I cover her little cheeks in kisses while she does a big baby belly laugh.

Is that too much baby talk? I do wonder why women are still made to feel bad about talking about their babies. Men can have websites about fishing equipment, e.t.c but if women have a site discussing pushchairs (a piece of equipment you have to lug about on a daily basis) then it’s a mindless waste of time. We can dress it up anyway we want, but the underlying assumption is still:

Things that (mainly) Men do are more important then Things that (mainly) women do.

*****

Was thinking about Ramadan last night. I need it. Insha Allah, I just want to switch off and focus. I love Ramadan for that. Insha Allah may our hearts be nourished as we fast.

I probably wont be going to the masjid for tarawhir. Oreo’s bedtime is 7pm, and she is very, very strict about it. I do not want to be the person who brings the screaming baby to the masjid.

I know, I know, masjid’s should be child friendly and this is not a dig at women who do bring children there, but at the same time we should be realistic. Bringing very young, pre school age children to the masjid and expecting them to sit still, for hours on end, with no entertainment is cruel. The same goes for bringing babies to a bright noisy place, when they’d rather be tucked in their cot in a peaceful room.

The real culprit here is the narrow concept of what a Good Muslim should be.

Good Muslims go to the masjid and attend as many lectures as possible. So if you do not go to the masjid, for whatever reason, then you are not a Good Muslim.

Never mind that as repeatedly stated in the Qur’an, unlike humans, Allah sees all that you do and you can worship him in many ways, that don’t necessarily involve sitting on a prayer mat. /Rant over

*****

After that, I feel rather sheepish admitting this next part, but in the interests of honesty, I will say that I’ve been watching True Blood lately and it’s rather good. However, is it just me who thinks it’s a bit of a cop out when the romantic leads are a couple in real life? It’s a bit like they don’t really have to act. Hmm.

When I first started blogging, I would have never admitted to watching anything unsuitable such as that, for fear of looking like a Bad Muslim. Then I got tired of the dishonesty and tired of people who would commit all sort of sins of varying seriousness, but pretend that tv and music are the most sinful things going.

So tired.

How Do You Soak Yours: Burka Apparently Soaked in Blood

A lot of the discourse of Muslim women both here and elsewhere concerns the battle to speak for ourselves. To define our religion, our beliefs on our terms, without the headpatting and correcting of outsiders. Fatemeh’s post at Altmuslimah gives a thorough outline of the usual mistakes made by those who seek to defend Muslim women, without actually listening to them.

How disappointing to view an article on the Guardian website, Rahila Gupta headed, ‘The Burka is a cloth soaked in blood’.

I have to admit, that my initial response to such a statement was to think, “Only if you’re not wearing enough sanitary protection and that could apply to any item of clothing”.

Sadly the article did not go on to tackle laundry issues, instead it focused on the not just tired, but narcoleptic topic of Muslim Women are Suffering in Their Scarves and I Care About Them More Then You Do.

Firstly Muslim women are told what their identity priorities should be. Gender should come before, race or communal identity. As for religious identity, Gupta does not mention that, so presumably is is not a valid option.

Then comes the bold statement that “This is a cloth that comes soaked in blood”. At this point one feels like patting Gupta gently on the hand and explaining that however savage she’s heard Muslims are, we don’t like to wear our clothes soaked with blood, in fact we view blood as a rather unclean substance.

Gupta choses to back up this bold statement by invoking the three countries which must be named whenever talking about Muslim women -  Saudi Arabia, Iran and Afghanistan. According to Gupta no discussion of the burka or hijab is possible without mentioning these three countries. This is despite the fact that the majority of Muslim women do not live in either of those countries.

Ironically Gupta sees no problem with restricting the voices of Muslim women in order to ease restrictions on the clothing of Muslim women.

In fact, to her,  it is we Western Muslim sisters who are the silencers, for by talking about our own experiences of hijab, we are dismissing the suffering of our Afghani, Iranian and Saudi sisters. This is despite the all charity work, awareness raising and many articles, both in new and old media written by Muslim women concerning this very subject. Again, in her rush to save the Muslim women, she actually ignores the work and dialogue of Muslim women, implying that we cannot help ourselves.

After listing and dismissing what she feels are common reasons Western Muslim women might wear the hijab, she then jumps to the conclusion that women are raped, even when covered, so why bother covering.

Well, because if we believe that a women is raped because a rapist raped her, rather then because she was wearing x, y or z, then this means that women’s clothing is immaterial in any discussion of violence and rape against women. So therefore, just because a hijab or burka does not provide protection against rape, does not mean a women cannot choose to wear it.

The clear problem with this article is that Gupta feels she knows what is best for Muslim women. Her final statement is that women should not have to bear the brunt of men’s lust. She might actually find that Muslim women agree with her, but she would have to listen to them first.

Review: Revelations – Muslim School, Channel 4

This was a documentary filmed for a one year period, following two girls as they joined an independent Muslim school.

The first girl is seven year old Zara, from a British Asian family, she is the youngest child and the first child in the family to attend a Muslim school. Her Mum (her name is not given), feels that they don’t have time to teach her enough religious knowledge and want her to feel confident in her Muslim identity.

Aisha, aged twelve is the second girl. She is white and converted to Islam as a very young child, after her mother met and married, Ishaq, a Muslim from Pakistan. Aisha’s mother is also a convert. She explains that Aisha suffered some bullying in their previous area and feels that a Muslim school will be more disciplined and provide a better standard of education.

While the school is multicultural, Aisha will be the only white girl in the school.

The documentary style is very typically fly on the wall. The voiceover narrates events, but does not analyse them.  This means that the girl’s words are the centrepiece of the documentary. It is refreshing to have Muslim girls and women speaking for themselves.

The first scene inside the school is during Zara’s class. A young, female teacher talking about the qualities of Allah and that in order to love Allah, we should know His qualities. The class is mixed. All the girls are wearing white Amira style hijabs, but a variety of grey uniforms, abayas, shalwar khalmeezes or long skirts and jumpers.

Back at Zara’s house and we are introduced to her older sister, Aiesa. The narrator tells us that Aiesa doesn’t wear hijab. Zara’s mum (who also doesn’t wear hijab) is asked about Zara’s hijab. She states that she feels it is easier to wear hijab, if you start wearing it at an early age, she feels that because she didn’t wear hijab when younger, she found it difficult to do so later.

Zara’s Mum is then asked about her own upbringing. She explains she grew up in a very white, middle class area. She enjoyed her childhood, but did feel it was lacking in Asian and Islamic influence, something she wants to ensure Zara has. She stresses the importance of knowing the society you live in, but also your ethnic and religious identity.

Pupils are encouraged to make wudu and pray at school and the hall is used as a prayer room. The children are shown making wudu and praying.

Aisha shows her timetable (pupils have to follow the secular National Curriculum alongside Islamic studies). She talks about learning Arabic and that she feels she is fitting in, even though she is the only white girl.

Aisha’s Mum explains how important she feels religious values are in society. To her, Britain was a better, more respectful place, when church attendance and religious practice was the norm.

The narrator asks her about wearing hijab (she is wearing a large dupatta). She states that it was her choice to wear hijab. Her husband did ask her if she wanted to wear niqab. Her response was a firm no. He has not raised the subject since. When asked about her own education, she says that she did not perform well in school as she did not like being told what to do.

Aisha, describes meeting her stepdad, who she refers to as Dad. She is not really in touch with her biological father, although he does send a letter and photographs during the filming.

The narration states that Aisha has had to reconcile two cultures from an early age. This statement is a touch heavy handed, hinting at culture clash stereotypes. It ignores the fact that Aisha has experienced both cultures for most of her life.

Surely it is more likely that being bicultural is something Aisha views as an integral part of her life, rather then a constant struggle.  As the narrator does not ask Aisha this question directly, the viewer is left wondering instead of finding what what Aisha’s feelings actually are.

Back to Zara’s class and they children are being taught about Ramadan and what the “saving from the hellfire” part means. All the children are familiar with the concept of Heaven and Hell and the teacher explains that hellfire is for people who aren’t very good.

Zara is in her room, the camera pans to some children playing outside. Zara explains that she is not allowed to play outside.

“Is it because the children are not Muslim?”, asks the narrator.

Zara replies with a firm no and when asked if she feels different to Non Muslim children, In a matter of fact manner, she states not really, except they don’t wear hijab or do Islamic studies.

Then we get the Muslim Documentary Money Shot, as Zara is asked to show how she puts her hijab on. As this is a one piece, Amirah hijab, it is surely not too difficult to work this out without a demonstration. However, this is a documentary about Muslim females and some cliches must be too hard to fight.

When, asked, Zara states that the hijab covers the hair, which is a woman’s beauty.  To her, wearing it will help you go to paradise and if you don’t wear it, you might go to hell.

The narrator then asks about Zara’s mum and sister, who do not wear hijab. Zara asserts that her mum is fine, but she’s not sure about her sister. When asked if her sister prays, Zara says, she sometimes does.

Aiesa (Zara’s sister) is shown getting ready to go out. The narrator asks if her parents mind her going out. She says her parents are quite strict, especially her dad, “He has issues”.

Aiesa and Zara’s mum is asked about this. She describes how independent Aiesa is, that while it is important to set boundaries, being too strict would make her more determined, not less, so they do try and give her some leeway. As for Zara, she wants her to be independent and confident but hopes that the Islamic school will give her a better awareness of why the boundaries are there, finishing with, “You have to be more careful with girls”.

Sadly, it appears that some girls have been mocking Aisha, we see two of her classmates relaying back what has been said. Apparently, some girls have been saying she’s not a real Muslim and doesn’t know how to pray.

The narrator states that Zara is doing well in school. She is shown doing a times table test and then making wudu with three classmates. The little girls are asked about heaven and hell. Hell is for bad people, they respond. When asked if they thought they might go to hell, they said they didn’t know, but really hoped not.

Aiesa decides she wants to wear hijab for Ramadan, to see what it feels like. Her dad tried to make her wear it before and that put her off. Zara teases her, saying she doesn’ t look nice wearing it. It would appear that Zara, really enjoys teasing her big sister.

Aisha is looking at some photos her biological dad sent. She has long red hair, something she used to get teased for at school. This is one reason why she likes wearing hijab so much, even around the house. She states in a resigned manner, that she will probably never feel like she belongs anywhere.

Aisha is next shown in the classroom. The teacher is writing the word ‘Diversity’ on the board as the centre of a spider diagram. The teacher reads out the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) Last Sermon, stating that racial superiority is forbidden in Islam. Then, she reminds the class of the hadith about those with even the tiniest piece of arrogance will not enter Paradise.

Finally, she asks the class to split into groups and work on a scenario about a new girl who joins the school and is excluded. They have to imagine how she would feel and what they would do to help her.
The narrator states that the school took Aisha’s isolation seriously and worked to end it.

Zara is at home and again the narrator is asking her about hijab. She asserts that you have to wear hijab. When asked about her sister, Zara rather scornfully says she didn’t wear hijab for long and whispers to the camera that her sister doesn’t even pray and that “A fire will come”. Again, one gets the feeling that Zara is very fond of making fun of her big sister, rather then passing stern religious judgement.

The narrator asks Zara, “But will I go to Paradise, I don’t pray or wear hijab?”.

Unpeturbed, Zara explains that she is a different religion, so she doesn’t have to do those things, “You’re a good women, aren’t you?”. When the narrator replies in the affirmative, Zara states that she should go to Paradise then, but she is not sure about Aiesa.

Aiesa, meanwhile states that she does want to wear hijab when older and that she feels that religion and religious guidelines are very important. to her religion is something very private and personal.

Aisha is shown having a snowball fight with her Dad and sisters. She is asked if she sees many non-Muslim girls. She replies that she is not allowed out as her father is very strict, but she does feel she has a much happier life then non Muslim girls. Her father is also strict about her doing her Islamic
homework.

The narrator questions if she is studying Islam just to please him. Aisha answers that she is studying for herself and would like to learn enough to teach others. When asked if she thinks she will always be Muslim, she responds with a firm yes. It is good that Aisha is shown explaining this in her own words, rather then the pat summary of the narrator.

The last shot we are shown of Aisha, is of her walking arm in arm with her best friend. She says really feels happy at the school, she belongs here.

Zara’s mum believes sending her daughter to an Islamic School was a good thing, but she still wants Zara to mix with others. She doesn’t feel the school, will stop Zara feeling British, as she will get her sense of Britishness from her.

Zara and her Mum are sitting on the sofa discussing what Zara has learnt at school. First they talk about heaven and hell. Zara’s mum explains that while these are real, so is Allah’s forgiveness and He can forgive whom He wishes.

Then Zara mentions hijab, she feels her Mum would be perfect is she wore it, “…as you are already very kind”.

Zara’s mum gently explains to her that a person’s prayers and insides are more important then hijab and Zara concedes that you can be a good Muslim without wearing hijab.

The obvious focus of the documentary is how how the girls feel about themselves as Muslims. Aside from the clips of the teachers in the classroom, there is not much information provided about Islam beliefs. This maintains the naturalistic style of the documentary.

However, this does mean that there is very little insight into how children may view certain Islamic beliefs, as compared to adults. This is particularly demonstrated by the apparent fixation of Zara and her classmates with Hell. Children are often fascinated by the otherworldly or unusual, hence the popularity of fairy tales and myths amongst children.

Therefore such an interest in the Heaven and Hellfire, is likely to be more to do with this aspect of a child’s nature, then actual Islamic practice. Unfortunately, the documentary does not explore this area, so a viewer be left with the stereotypical impression that Muslims have a fear driven relationship with God.

The hijab fixation while irritating, was not a surprising feature.  The underlying thrust of this documentary, like so many others concerning Islam and Muslims, is whether Muslims and Islamic practice are compatible with the West. Hijab is still widely viewed as a mark of difference, rather then one of religious belief, hence the ongoing fascination with a symbol deemed as Un-Western.

More positively, everyone involved seemed happy with their lives and choices. It was good that Muslims were shown to want to be a part of wider society as well as practicing their faith.

Especially golden, was the scene where Zara’s mum stated that the children would get Britishness from her, while dressed in a Shalwar Khalmeez. Therefore, exploding the ugly myth that anyone wearing traditional Asian clothing wants to isolate themselves from mainstream U.K society.

Also of note, is that her initial repsonse to many questions was, “I thought you would ask that”, before giving a detailed answer. That she had obviously thought through these issues, show that her decision to send Zara to Islamic school was not a base impulse of fear of non Muslim society, but one based on careful consideration of several different factors. She states that she wants her daughters to be confident and independent, qualities the mainstream media does not often associate with Muslim women.

The scenes inside the school showed a positive approach to Islam, with the pupils being encouraged to love Allah and shown this love through being kind to each other.

Finally, a big stereotype of Islamic schools is that they foster hatred of non-Muslims, but such attitudes were not demonstrated by anyone involved.

Hopefully this documentary will show that Islamic faith schools can be a positive part of British society.

UK readers can watch the documentary here. Footage for non UK viewers is currently not available.

Keep Yourself Alive

A few years ago there was a burst of blog activity chronicling the rise and fall of the Salafi movement in the U.S, this started on Umar Lee’s blog and even led the creation of a blog, Salafi Burnout, which was dedicated to this event.

Many stories were told in the comment sections and elsewhere. That something created with the intention of bringing people closer to Allah had led to such misery was deeply saddening.

Tariq Nelson wrote a post outlining the cult like nature of some of these groups.

Sadly, some used the events to further a sectarian agenda, preferring to focus on the type of Islam involved, rather then the pain of their brother and sisters.

This year both Umar Lee’s and Salafi Burnout’s carried new stories of those caught up in the movement mentality, but this time it involved the Shadhili tariqat of Nuh Ha Mim Keller and Muhammed Yaqubi.

It is notable that most of those speaking out against the tariqa are women. This is significant.

There was some hostile and indeed misogynistic reaction to these statements, with the familiar tropes of “crazy” and “nafsi” women who weren’t submissive enough.

Also there was the implication that silence is the best adab. Since then, much of the dialogue as moved into sectarian criticism of Tasawuuf and the tariqa system.

Again, those most damaged are being overlooked and the chance for real change is being lost.

For these events are not caused by types of Islam, aquida or fiqh. They are caused by an Unhealthy Group Mentality (UGM).

Some might call this cultish thinking, but the word cult is a loaded one. Most cult are obviously so, from their inception. Whereas the groups named above did not begin with the intention  of cult-hood, but became that way through the activities of those involved.

This is why we must be careful to avoid sectarian figure pointing. UGM can develop very slowly and be imperceptible to those inside or outside of the group.

So what is an Unhealthy Group Mentality(UGM)?

Put simply, it is the behaviour and attitudes of any group which is likely to be damaging to those in the group.

How can UGM be prevented?

  • Always, always remember that you alone will be accountable for your actions on the Day of Judgment. As you have the sole accountability for yourself, so you should have the final say. Seeking advice is one thing, but letting others make decisions for you is another.
  • Allah gives people different blessings, some are visible, others are not. Whatever blessings someone may have, it does not necessarily indicate that they are a good person. Beware of assuming that someone is sinless just because of their status, knowledge or background. Only Allah knows the true reality of things.
  • Unless there is abuse or another type of dangerous situation , then any marital problems should be solved by both spouses, together. One spouse talking about problems, alone to an outside party, rarely results in a positive solution. You both are the experts on your marriage, not an outsider.
  • Step away from the fatwa websites. Unless you are seeking a solution to a specific religious query (e.g, does using toothpaste break my fast?), fatwa sites can be at best unhelpful and at worst destructive, if not actually dangerous.

This is because they encourage people to put their problems into the   hands of people who do not know them personally, may come from a very different culture and cannot get an accurate insight into the situation from one letter or email. Knowledge, religious or otherwise, does not equal wisdom. As consulting fatwa sites discourages personal responsibility, this is a dangerous practice.

  • Judge the situation, not the status of those involved in it. If the members of a group have numerous disputes, divorces or other fitna, they may not be as pious as they claim. Look at what people do, not what they say.
  • Keep a wide social circle, as this prevents isolationism and help maintain personal perspective.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Additions and advice are welcome.

Being Muslim While White Privileged

For Brooke’s White Privilege and the Ummah carnival.

Oh, where to start, because this is a very thorny issue indeed.
Firstly, an acknowledgment. Appearing visibly Muslim (wearing hijab, Sunnah beard, thobe, e.t.c) will indeed open you up to anti-Muslim prejudice even if you are white.

However,

The majority of white converts are aware that all we need to do is take off the aforementioned accoutrements and we will blend right back into whiteness again.

Muslims of colour, whether convert or born, do not have that option. They never have access to White privilege.

Privilege is not just about appearance, although it does play a key part.

Carrying our invisible knapsacks has other effects too. The concept that White is the standard, the norm and that white majority countries are the ones to aspire to can be deeply ingrained.

When a white Muslim communicates with a Muslim of colour, this may be the first communication they have had with any person of colour, where the white person is not communicating as a member of the numerically dominant group, for while white people may be the majority in Western countries, in Islam, they are very much the minority.

Such demographics may lead the white Muslim to feel at a disadvantage, one they have not been socialised with and this leads to many white converts furiously attacking the born Muslims, usually for their lack of “Good Muslimness”, when the real issue is the white convert’s lack of power, compared to that they enjoy being part of a majority in mainstream society.

But wait. Aren’t white Muslims, the prized pets, the conversion stories everyone wants to hear, the ones who get far more marriage proposals and attention then their convert brethren of colour?

Yes, but there are two factors for this.

The first is that White is seen to equal Western in a way that a person of colour rarely is, especially by those living outside the West. This is supported by the White dominated media exported by the West, which usually transmits tropes of White privilege both openly and subliminally.

As the West asserts itself as being superior economically, educationally, socially, so white people are viewed as being superior and therefore better to have in the religion as converts. Why else does the urban myth about Bill Gates converting to Islam surface so frequently?

For various reasons, political and otherwise, Muslims feel themselves at a disadvantage, hence the idea that the best way of getting more power for the Muslims, is to get people viewed as having more power to convert. Then, once those powerful people convert, ensure they are front and centre whenever possible to attract more of the same.

It is often mentioned that the area where whites are most privileged in the Muslim community is that of marriage, especially white Muslimahs.

This is linked to the issues of perceived superiority, as I described above. However it usually manifests itself as colourism, namely the view that appearing white, especially white skinned, is desirable.

Note that while the white skin may be desirable, white culture in a spouse, usually isn’t. White people may be viewed as being promiscuous, not interested in supporting their in laws, not good house keepers, selfish, cold and generally likely to go back to their pre conversion ways.

This explains why, in cultures like the Arab or Desi cultures, where the husband is often viewed as the dominant personality, white women are viewed as acceptable marriage partners, but not white men.
If you marry a white women you get the perceived benefits of white skin and lighter offspring, without the risk of losing your culture.

A convert of colour is not viewed as having any of these benefits, which explains why they may find it very difficult to find a Muslim spouse.

The concept of White superiority is alien to Islam, in fact it’s haraam and so it is one that White Muslims must work very hard to shed, without seeking any reward, head patting or cookies for doing so.

The first step in unpacking your invisible knapsack, is to recognise that you are wearing one.

Carnival Time – Celebrating Muslim Motherhood

Firstly, a confession. I didn’t get many submissions, so I actually went hunting for some worthy material.

Masha Allah, there is so much out there, this is just a small selection.

If anyone would like to add to it, please email me: safiyaoutlines at gmail dot com, or alternatively, you can leave comment.

On with the carnival!

Luckyfatima describes how giving birth provides a new awareness of your body and it’s natural strength

Mamamona posts about raising her son to be a good Muslim man. Gori Wife shares her feelings at having a son and ponders the questions he may ask about his faith as he grows older

Happy Muslim Mama tells of how cultural values lead to daughters being undervalued and how she is ensuring her daughters grow up secure in their worth.

Nzingha is encouraging her daughter to follow her dream of being an Islamic judge.

A Mother can frequently feel torn between many roles, that of a Muslimah, a wife, a mother, plus their own wants and needs. Tasmiya and Southern Muslimah each describe how they cope with such conflicts.

Incorporating the deen into every day life and instilling a love for Allah The Most High is the most important role of any Muslim parent.

Muslim Mama recalls the deen routine she grew up with and how she is doing similar activities with her children.

Achelois’ post is a beautiful story of teaching her son the power of du’a

In her second post of the carnival, Happy Muslim Mama details the difficulties and rewards of praying with children.

Leila El Haddad of the Raising  Yousuf and Noor blog describes celebrating Eid, making it fun for her children while hiding the worry she feels for her parents. Please make du’a that they are reunited soon.

The next selection of posts look at Muslim mothers, from a daughter’s perspective.

Baraka and Digital Niqabi’s beautiful posts both look at their how their relationship with their mothers has changed as they have grown to know them as people, beyond the mothering role. Updated: Yasmine from Sweep the Sunshine has also submitted a post about her mother. These three posts are glorious examples of the love a mother can inspire.

Finally, being the mother to a Muslim when you are not Muslim yourself.

In a post that resonated with me personally, Molly Multicultural Muslimah describes  how her mother supported her through her conversion.

Alhamdulilah for mothers, being mothered and mothering.